Aldbourne Community Forum

[AnnaR.]

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. He was claiming for injuries received when driven off the road by a big company's lorry but the company was giving him a hard time.
In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot solicitor
was questioning Seamus.
"Didn't you say, to the Garda at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I
had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene
of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Seamus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the
trailer and I was driving down the road.."

The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honour,
I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident,
this man told the GÃRDA on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in
Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, "I'd like to hear what he has
to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was
saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and
was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came
through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning.

I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the
accident a garda on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning
and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her
condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand,
looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now what the F**k would you say?"

[AnnaR.]

A man goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."



Now his mind travels back to the one and only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he whispers, "Are you the stripper from the stag party that I bonked on the pool table with all my mates watching?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."